What a year!

2008 definitely had its ups and downs.

Highlights:

• Our new family members: Sadie and Magoo.
• My bedroom and more importantly, bathroom makeover. I love having a shower that drains!
• J spending winter camp with church in Williams.
  
• Grandma spending Easter and her 89th birthday with us in Arizona.
• J finishing up his first year of high school (1oth grade).
• Summer trip to Oregon and the Washington Coast.
• Summer wedding photo job - which has led to more photo jobs and rediscovering a passion that had been hibernating.
• The Cottage Bakery and Thai food restaurant in Washington. Heavenly.
• J participating in a 3D animation class at EVIT and loved it (and mom was proud of his A).
• J passing his driver's test and being a licensed driver.
• J starting his jr. year of high school, enrolling in ROTC and really finding a niche that he loves.
• Coaching a jr. high girls group and loving it!
• JRTOC winter camp for J on a base in Northern Arizona.
• Old friends - and new ones too.
• Being part of an amazing small group.
• My "acting" debut in a skit at Central. HA - but it was fun :)

Not-so-highlights

• J ending the year with a major foot surgery that has him in a cast for six weeks, then probably a couple months of physical therapy.
• Picking out abnormal dogs with medical quirks, but I guess they fit right in with our medically quirky family.
• Losing a close family friend.
  
• A year of heartache and pain in one relationship.

But in all, the highs and lows, God, as always, has been faithful. I've struggled a bit on my spiritual journey this year, but in the end that which didn't kill me once again made me stronger and my heart grew closer to God. I never cease to be amazed and how He equips me to deal with things I didn't think I was capable of dealing with. I end 2008 with a deepening faith, a growing passion for God and His work, and a desire to be used daily by Him. Where He leads in 2009 is yet to be seen, but I'm in Lord - I am all Yours!

A goal within reach

The more I talk to people the more I realize that 2008 has been horribly hard on many. Not just the economic situation, but emotionally, physically, spiritually difficult. Makes me wonder... Is it symptomatic of the U.S. or is it global? Is it an indicator or bigger things to come or is it just the way the year was? I'm not a big end times fanatic - but looking at this year in review makes me think about it a little more. I just try to live my life ready to meet Christ at any point - end of days or just end of my days.

The end of the year makes so many reflective, including me. I like the feeling that beginnings have. I like waking up each morning, knowing it's a new day and I have a chance for a new start. New years are just new days, on a larger scale. I like the idea of making goals - small ones and big ones.

January 2008: I started with a goal to get healthier (what a unique New Year's resolution, huh?! ha ha). But it was one I was determined to do. I had hit an all-time high with my weight and and an all-time low with my self esteem. It was time to view things differently. No longer looking to "diet", but to make better decisions and actually implement knowledge I had about food choices.

My body has changed. It's older than I like to admit, but more than that the lack or hormones and certain body parts has changed more things than I realized about how my body works. This goal was going to be harder than I thought to reach. But I had a new resolve; a determination and mindset I had never had before. And this time, God was going to be part of it every step of the way. Food has a hold on me. I love the taste - love food in general, but the comfort I sought during times of stress, depression, or other emotion was the hold. I needed to learn to take those feelings to God before going to food. That was the change I needed.

Fast forward to December 2008 and I am achieving that goal. I'm still on the journey to completion, but ending the year here is a great feeling. Moving into 2009, the plan is to hit something of an ideal weight and to implement some sort of exercise routine that I'll maintain. It's not that I even hate exercise - it's the time. With a full list of to-do's every day, exercise has not made it to the top of the list. I know it's good and I know why I need to do it, but what I don't know how to do is fit it into a day that's already jam-packed with a sidebar of other things I still want to fit in. Hmmm. That's the juggle right, learning to balance and prioritize?

So I'm finishing up my goal list for 2009. It includes everything: personal health, mental health, spiritual health, stress relief, rewards and fun. But a quick revisit to some mid-year goals I set.

Excerpts from my 2008 list

* Make sure I do something I enjoy at least once a week Not sure if I succeeded as I didn’t track this, but it was a good effort
* Build up my savings account Still working on this, but another good effort in progress
* Find a mentor/Be a mentor Not sure how you go about “finding” a mentor, but I have wonderful accountability friends in my life, so I guess they serve in this capacity. And I LOVE mentoring/coaching a group of six young teen girls.
*Excel at project management Learning something new every day, but hopefully am making a good effort here too.
* Organize my personal papers Not the way I had intended. So this one’s getting moved to my first quarter goals for ’09.
* Take a spiritual inventory of my life. This has been a work in progress too '08 has been an incredible year of drawing close to God, seeing weaknesses in self and working on those, and also seeing some strengths that He has given me.
* Participate in a paint gun "war" It was too hot for so long and then when it finally cooled off it seemed the year was over. So this is moving to early 09 too.
* Photograph the harvest moon. Miss. So bummed. But I’ve already got ‘09’s on my calendar! And I’m hoping to photo it in Albuquerque while attending the balloon festival there. How cool would that be!
* See the Olympic Torch being carried (Done! We saw the runners while vacationing in Oregon. It was so cool!)
* Buy a painting (or other art) from a starving artist. Haven’t been presented an opportunity, which is good because I haven’t really had the funds. It’s still something I’d like to do.
* Drink a bottle of wine that's as old as I am (on my birthday). Eek – until I found out how expensive an old bottle of wine is! Ha ha. Maybe on my 40^th. So this goal is getting moved to 2010.
* Be surprised by my child. Continually. I love my boy.
* Rappel down a mountain. Getting moved to ’09 as this is something I would love to do.

Let's Get This Party Started

The artist Pink has catapulted into my list of favorites in the past year. I've always liked her music, but there's just been something about it the past several months that just energizes me and gets me going. So What is probably my favorite song right now, but I imagine that has a lot to do with the circumstances in my life for the past 12 months. Things beyond my control?
So so what?
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm having more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So so what?
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

Kind of an angry song (just a little, right?), but for me it brings me to reality. It's not about circumstances in life; it's not about what's thrown at me. What it boils down to is how I respond; where my "rock moves" come from; where I find my strength. Pink didn't write this song with Christ in mind, but ultimately, that's what this song reminds me of. I'm gonna be alright because I have Him.

Here we are, on the cusp of a new year and I'm ready. Ready to break away from 2008. There's something about beginnings. Having been a dieter most of my life, there was always something about Mondays. A new start after a bad week. This past year the dieting mentally exited my life and new habits were formed on the basis of just being healthier. But the craving for a fresh start has been building.

Do you ever get the bug? The bug to drop everything and start an adventure? The urge to pack up and go and have a fresh start? Or on a smaller level - the urge to just purge what surrounds you in your life or home and get a fresh perspective? I'm a changer - I love change. I love to re-do, re-organize, re-arrange, paint, change it up. I drive people around me crazy sometimes. I don't like ruts or status quo - I like to, as Nigel Tufnel once said "push it one louder" and go to "eleven."

I have been purging on a regular basis the past year. Cleaning up, throwing out, giving away to simplify what surrounds me. Something just hit me. Maybe this habit is a way to deal with the change I'm not in control of? 2008 has held months and months of circumstances that were beyond my control. This year has been about releasing control of certain things and allowing God to lead in a new way.

On the horizon of a new year, what does all this mean? I'm not really sure, but I have loved experiencing God in a new way. Experiencing a level of care that can only come from Him. In the midst of an unstable hurricane of life, He has been my stabilizing factor and my life force. It's ok because Christ, He makes me alright. He makes me His rock star.

Merry Christmas

Charlie Brown: I guess you were right, Linus. I shouldn't have picked this little tree. Everything I do turns into a disaster. I guess I really don't know what Christmas is all about.
Charlie Brown: Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?
Linus Van Pelt: Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about. Lights, please.
"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'" That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

Glory to God. That's what Christmas is all about. And last night, services at Central heped kick off an amazing Christmas. Helping behind the scenes last night allowed me to literally stood in awe of the talent that steps forward to serve in our church. From the tech booth to the stage - an amazing crew. The band and singers blew my mind as they performed a rocking Trans Siberian Orchestra rendition of God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman. Words truly can't describe the experience but I was so blessed to be a part of it! The entire evening was just God, plain and simple.

An equally God-filled day as the family gathered to spend some time together. Laughter, stories, hugs, and love. Thank you God for days like these. But mostly, thanks fills my heart for a Savior, born in a manger so many years ago, that led to a sacrifice that allowed me to truly live.

Been consumed, so now some fun

Been so busy the past couple of weeks with some photo shoots, holidays, and work that I haven't been blogging even though so much has been happening. I'm hoping to catch up in the next week or so, but with Christmas just days away... Well let's just say I haven't even begun to shop for the kiddos. We have always had simple Christmas traditions, which I'm thankful for - but this year even more so.

So today, while I was checking into some photo techniques I stumbled on this survey on a fellow photographer's blog and thought I'd have a little fun before my day kicks into high gear.

5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago
1) Graduating college with a business degree (finally done!)
2) Being reflective after receiving an announcement about my 20 year high school reunion just weeks after graduating college.
4) Starting what would be a 10-year homeschooling journey with J.
5) Enjoying life with family and friends.

5 Things On My To-Do List Today
1) Finishing the editing and packaging on two photo shoots
2) The never-ending to-do list of cleaning and chores
3) Possible Christmas shopping
4) Bake some crustless pumpkin pie
5) Final prep for a skit I'm participating in at church this weekend (yes, on stage! :-o)

5 Snacks I Like
1) Golden Spoon yogurt
2) Crustless pumpkin pie (all core on Weight Watchers!)
3) Fruit
4) Pudding with cool whip
5) Popcorn (but it doesn't like me so much anymore..sigh)

5 Things I Would Do If I Was A Millionaire
1) Support some dear friends on the mission field and another set gearing up to go!
2) Purchase a getaway place for me and to share!
3) Adopt
4) Support my photography habit and learning curve so I can do more things for more people
5) Travel and see some of the places I've always dreamed of and longed to photograph

5 Places I Have Lived (For Various Lengths Of Time)
1) Canton, Michigan
2) Scottsdale, Arizona
3) Phoenix, Arizona
4) Mesa, Arizona

* Wow - varied list, huh!?! I wish!

5 Jobs I Have Had
1) Project Manager of an extremely creative communications team where I am learning so much!
2) Human Resources Coordinator at Apollo Group (University of Phoenix)
3) Pampered Chef Consultant
4) Freelance photography
5) BK Lounge Superstar (this was my first job at Burger King :D)

5 People I Tag
1) Audrey
2) Brandy
3) ... I don't think five people read this blog, but if you read it and you aren't on here - TAG!
4)
5)

Have you ever realized that you've been raised in the church and there are just things you've learned and taken with you, never looking deeper into them? For me, it tends to be Old Testament stories. There are some I know fuller details on, and there's others that I've skimmed over, taken the highlights and moved on. Daniel and the lion's den and the 3 servants tossed in the furnace were two of them. I knew some basic background on Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego, but not enough details and history, so I'm digging in and focusing on the book of Daniel in my quiet time right now.

I only read chapter one this morning and was fascinated over the pieces I've never picked up on before. I never realized that these four boys were brought before King Nebuchadnezzar together. My brain has never tied them together in history. I also never knew that these boys were vegetarians by choice, or what brought them to that decision. I am really going to enjoy this journey through Daniel! In just two pages this book is fascinating with history and details that I had never put together.

I also really liked the introduction in the Leadership Bible to this book.

Daniel: Faith and Leadership in Action
The exemplary personal character of Daniel makes him a favorite Bible personality for many. He is one of onkly a handful of men int he Bible about whom God says nothing negative. ALthought he shared the human nature of all other biblical leaders, he seems to rise above the others because of a combination of qualities:
Character—He displays character by refusing to do wrong before foreign kings
Competence—Kings offer to pay him for his ability to interpret dreams
Convictions—He refuses to eat the king's meat or drink his wine
Courage—He faces the lions' den without flinching
Charisma—He is so winsome that royalty wants him to play key roles in government
Commitment—He remains committed to his God despite pressure to compromise
Compassion—He never loses his love for others, even in an enemy culture.

Fourth Photo

Saw this on Audrey's blog (who snagged it from someone else) and loved the idea. The rules are to go to your My Pictures folder, choose the 4th folder and then the 4th picture and tell the story behind it. Do this without checking first to see what the photo is - more fun that way!

Here's mine!
Santiago, Chile.
June 2, 2007
My fourth global connection trip to Chile with Central. This trip I co-lead with my first-time-trip sister, Vik. It was an interesting team, to say the least. It was my first trip with guys and gals - I had always been part of the amazing Chile Chicks that go over spring break. I had gone in March of '07, and returned in May/June of that same year.

Completely shocked by the weather change in those few weeks. March is usually toasty warm days with cool evenings and mornings. June was wet and freezing cold. We got off that plane and a bunch of us Arizona natives had no clue what we were in for. The first thing we sent our field worker for - long underwear!

This photo is from our immersion day in downtown Santiago. I love this country as it reminds me so much of Arizona - everything from snowy mountains to dry, barren desert land. The trees still had some of their fall leaves, but were beginning to get bare for winter. As we strolled through downtown, there was just a different ambience in the air than my other trips here.

Part of me wishes I was going again in March with my sister's team - but a bigger part of me is ready to move on to a more challenging trip and to break out of that Chilean comfort zone. I miss my chilean families, especially my little girl Cata.

Memory Lane

I have reconnected with a couple friends from high school via facebook. It's been fun to catch up with their lives. They were my best friends in elementary school and junior high and we shared some amazing times together. I stumbled across another friend that I haven't seen or talked to in about 15 years. She is now a teacher at our old high school. This school (I should actually say schools) was huge. We had two schools on one campus. Plymouth Canton and Plymouth Salem. I guess the population in rural Michigan has continued to grow, so instead of building another school elsewhere, you guessed it - they added a third school to the already chaotic 3-acre campus. The schools are now called Plymouth Canton Educational Park and house Salem, Canton and Plymouth high schools. Over 6,000 students attend this campus. Is anyone else thinking that is WAY too many teen drivers in one compact area?! That is putting tje buildings of Red Mountain, Mountain View and Mesa High all on one campus. Then factor in all those students. WOW! I found a photo of the new campuses and just can't imagine being a new student here. It was overwhelming when I went 20 years ago! You have classes at both (now three) schools - shuttling between the schools for classes.

In grade 10 I had swimming (mandated in michigan) for first hour at Salem, and science second hour at Canton. Scan this video (it's long and filmed 8 years after I graduated, but before the 3rd school was added. The quality is not great, but hopefully you'll get an idea). Now imagine making that walk in sub-zero temps with damp (or wet) hair. Pneumonia anyone?!



All in all I did love my high school experience here though. It was so hard to move in the middle of my junior year to Arizona - leaving behind the gigantic known and friends of 11 years or more, to a completely new culture at Horizon High school in Scottsdale.

Just a little trip down memory lane tonight.

New photos

Had a blast hanging with some wonderful friends and snapping some holiday photos for them. See them all here.

Enter the Story: Advent Conspiracy

Saw this on a friend's facebook and had to keep it as a reminder as well as share. Powerful stuff.

Trusting God

"In order to know God's will there must be a willingness to do it. Imagine a door in the path ahead of us. God's will is on the other side of that door. We crave to know what that is. Will God show us what's on the other side of that door? No. Why not? Because we have to resolve an issue on this side of the door first. If He is Lord, He has the right to determine what's on the other side of hte door. If we don't afford Him that right, then we are not acknowledging Him as Lord.

Why do we want to know what's on the other side of the door? Isn't it because we want to reserve the right to determine whether or not we will go through it? Some boldly walk halfway through, but keep their foot in the door just in case they don't like what they see and want to go back. It's going to be awfully hard to continue walking with God if your foot is stuck in the door. Jesus said, "No one putting his hand to the plow and looking back is fit for the Kingdom of God." (Luke 9:62)

One man probably spoke for many when he said, "I'm so used to running my own life. I'm not sure I even can or want to trust someone else. Besides, God would probably haul me off to some mission field I can't stand" What we need to realize is that if we did give our heart to the Lord, and God did call us to that mission field, by the time we got there we wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Do you believe that the will of God is good, acceptable and perfect for you? That's the heart of the issue.
From Walking in the Light by Neil Anderson

James 4 was the reading this morning.

So many thoughts in the first ten verses! Motivation is a key component. What's my motivation? Not what I think it is - but my real motivation? I know what I want my motivation to be, but is that always my driving force? I want to serve God; want to be used by Him; want to love others the way He does. But the harsh reality is I am a very selfish person. I think about my time, my energy, my priorities, my schedule, my lists, my... The list can go on. But because Christ lives in me, and as I draw near to Him, the gentle (sometimes not so gentle) reminders about my motivations is a recurring theme. Aware that my human nature is selfish, but I've been given a new nature. Releasing my hold and control and replacing it with His. A daily (sometimes hourly) process of checks and balances - of noting who is in control, of who I serve, of who I follow.


There are always doors before us. Sometimes we choose not to move forward becuase the fear of the unknown is greater than the ability to follow Him anywhere. Sometimes we get a glimpse of what could be, so we peek through the windows - desiring what is behind the door, but never turning the knob. And sometimes, like the devo illustrates, we actually make it through the door, but keep one foot in our comfort zone, holding on to our own escape just in case. But those times we, those times I, really let go and move forward in simple faith that God has my best interests and His kingdom purpose in mind - what an amazing adventure to be a part of! What a privelege and honor to be used by Him.


There is such a freedom in His grace; in His will. When I'm not fully relying on Him I feel such a burden! So it's curious why I still struggle with letting go.

Persecution

Michael Yemba, a Christian from Sudan came and shared God's story in his life with us yesterday. I would love to sit and have coffee with this man and hear more. To hear of God's amazing provisions to those that face persecution in the truest sense. I would love to hear more about how God opened up the ceiling in his tiny prison cell to pour cool air on him when his body could take no more. I would love to hear about the journey God took him on to grow into the Christ-loving man he is today after his mother was brutally murdered by radicals in his country. I would just like to sit with this man (or others like him) to get my life into perspective.

Persecution (v): to pursue in a manner to injure, grieve, or afflict; to beset with cruelty or malignity; to harass; especially, to afflict, harass, punish, or put to death, for adherence to a particular religious creed or mode of worship.

Christ tells us to expect it; to welcome it even.
Matthew 5:11 "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me."

The Message:
Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

Note the ending in the NIV translation "because of me." And in the Message it says "to discredit me." I think this calls us to examine our persecution, or what we perceive as our persecution. In America, we currently don't have much of a clue about real persecution. We freely carry our Bibles, praise loudly in churches, "retreat" to the mountains for spriritual refreshment, visibly pray in public, blast our favorite worship songs on any number of Christian broadcasting stations, and shop churches to see which one best fits our style. We allow the minority agenda to steer our country's policies and laws, not speaking out for fear someone might not agree or get offended. We water down truth or hide it completely. We dwell on lifes bumps, missing the opportunity to participate in God's mountains. I know I'm guilty of that one. I get so self-centered - so focused on the woes in my own life at times that I miss what God's asking me to do; miss the opportunity and blessings of allowing Him to use me.

What are we to do with this knowledge of the depth of persecution that goes on in our world? What's the greatest thing that I believe I can do? Pray. Pray not only for those persecuted, but for the hearts and minds of those doing the persecuting. Pray for our Christian voices to speak out and draw attention to injustices of our world. We all have a responsibility to stand beside our brothers and sisters and to lift them before the only One that can sustain them through these expected times of persecution.

And for me, I need to continually examine my life to ensure I am living in a manner worthy of the gospel and worthy of persecution that comes as a blessing for following Him.

Thoughts on James

James 2:8-11
If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself,"you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. (NIV)

You do well when you complete the Royal Rule of the Scriptures: "Love others as you love yourself." But if you play up to these so-called important people, you go against the Rule and stand convicted by it. You can't pick and choose in these things, specializing in keeping one or two things in God's law and ignoring others. (The Message)

Been reading the book of James as part of my morning devotion time. If you show favoritism, you sin. Bam. How is that going on in my life, my workplace, or my church? Does it go on? Sadly, yes. The pursuit of relationships with our execs or elders based on their status and to the neglect of others instantly came to mind. People will spend hundreds of dollars to go on a fishing trip with our senior pastor, but won't give a couple of bucks when they go grocery shopping to help feed those in need. They'll spend time golfing on a trip where they might get to pass by an exec, but won't given an hour and serve with the children. What is it that people feel when they say "Oh I hung out with so-and-so last night?" I guess maybe I can relate to that feeling if I was telling someone I was hanging with Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom, but in reality I have a feeling they'd still just be people. I appreciate and respect our senior pastor, executive pastors and elders so much. I think they have an amazing appointment by God and opportunity to lead and that they lead well. And there's several I do know and enjoy their personalities and senses of humor so much. But in the end, they are still people. People that have been blessed with certain opportunities to make an impact for Christ.

Favoritism has a power in some people's lives. Search my heart God, is it prevelant in mine?

The hearts of people are naturally selfish - I know mine is. It may not be in the same area of selfishness as some, but it is very selfish indeed. In what areas might I be showing favoritism? I've been on the receiving end of favoritism being lived out and experienced the hurt that comes from it. My dad played favorites. As kids, it ripped my relationship with my sister apart. Thankfully, as we grew older we saw it for what it really was—painful. A youth pastor that played favorites based on physical attributes. For the chunky, unusual, and awkward teen (aka me)- heartbreaking. Spiritually inadequate in others eyes because of my past choices and divorce—piercing. The list goes on, but the impact the same. It hurts to be part of the favoritism sin. God, show me where it's taking part in my life so that I might not be guilty of breaking Your Royal Law.

I don't have a ton of young childhood memories, but I remember a little boy coming in to my first grade class in a wheelchair. My heart went out to him and I became his keeper of sorts - pushing him around, making sure he had what he needed, etc. I'm sure parents and teachers stood by and sayd "Oh! Isn't that cute". But this morning I'm thinking isn't this the childlike innocence and love Christ speaks about and desires for us? One is not greater than another - we're all here to work together, love each other and help each other.

When I think of this royal law in visible terms I think of the ACTS outreach, those serving and reaching out in their communities and around the globe, Central's Buddy Expeditions, ministering to and serving those with AIDS. The list of how the Church lives this out this law goes on and on; and the list of how they break it is pretty long too. What about in our church body? Is favoritism prevelant? Do we have some work to do? What about in my own life? I pray for the wisdom to see when this sin invades my life and my heart and that I might closely follow Christ's example of always loving and serving those in need.

Elated

About to head out to do holiday portraits for some dear friends. The best part? I get to play with my new canon 50d! I finally broke down and bought it. A good sale + having the cash + having appointments for upcoming shoots = time to purchase. I can't wait to go play!


Now I'm wishing/praying/dreaming about a digital photography class through MCC that goes to Ireland for four weeks. Oh Brandy let's just go!!! Maybe this is why Japan didn't work out. Yeah - I wish!

I love the internet

Sometimes the internet is so fun. A friend posted some random questions today and one asked what was your favorite cartoon. I'll let you in on a little secret...I am a little strange. I was never a huge fan of cartoons. I watched them, but what drew me to the boob tube of my day? Johnny Sokko and His giant flying robot. Ultraman. Land of the Lost. Most people have never heard of Johnny Sokko, so I can't tell you how my heart just skipped a beat when I found this!!

The japanimation pokemon craze has nothing on the 70s giant flying robot!

If you get as hooked as I was, you can watch more episodes here too. Enjoy!

Shhh...don't tell

That I posted my one of favorite pictures of this disgustingly-photogenic couple here first (they get their cd tomorrow). We had SO much fun hanging on Mill taking engagement photos. I have to post one!!

Ok...maybe two :)

Stories of Emergence

I've been reading Stories of Emergence: Moving from Absolute to Authentic. A very interesting read. I've honestly not educated myself or read a lot about the emergent church or postmodernism. But I love reading stories about the Church doing new and different things to reach people that wouldn't typically be reached. Or stories about transformation. This book is full of short stories about exactly those things. Various authors share their stories about experiences with traditional church and unique places God led them. I am only 1/3 of the way through so far and am definitely looking forward to the rest.

Mike Yaconelli addresses the various movements that church has experienced over the last forty years. The Jesus movement, the Calvary Chapel movement, the megachurch movement, among others. His conclusion: "The longing beneath all these movements has always been the same—to find a place where people can worship God, learn abut Jesus, share their lives in authentic community."

I love my church home, but the building and its programs are just a tool God uses to touch people, to draw them in. Programs open doors; relationships are the real keys to people experiencing Christ. This book has been emphasizing and reminder me that we all need to be introducing people to God and not a church. Showing them the transforming power of Christ and what a relationship with Him looks like. How am I being used in this process of helping others find God, establish a relationship with Christ and have a safe place to be real and share that realness? I love my jr. high girls group and what God's showing me through that time and interactions with them. I love seeing God work in them and in me because of them. Love being a part of the story God continues to write.

Hanging on a beach in Indonesia with a Monkey

I simply love photography. Saw the winners were announced for Best Wild Animal Photos of 2008 and had to share my favorite.

—Photograph by Stefano Unterthiner/Wildlife Photographer of the Year

my heart just hurts this morning

Watched a little of The Today Show while getting around this morning and was shocked by a story that my mind still can't quite get wrapped around.

After five more teenagers and preteenagers were abandoned to state custody over the last eight days, including one whose mother drove from Georgia, Gov. Dave Heineman of Nebraska announced Wednesday that he would call a special session of the Legislature on Nov. 14 to rewrite the state’s safe-haven law. (View the full news story here)

According to the repor, 24 teens and pre-teens have been left since September 1. I can understand a parent's desperation, overwhelmed feelings, and frustration with their teen—I have one. But I simply can't fathom ever giving him up...for any reason. In hard economic times or puberty rages-he was my boy; love him til my heart bursts. Just thinking about not having him around causes pain. There are moments, of course - we all have them. But I wonder how these parents must be feeling-the depths of their despair to actually drive across state lines to drop their child off with total strangers; never to return.

It makes me wonder about the hopelessness in their lives. It makes me wonder a lot of things. But mostly I wonder where's their connections? Where's their support system of family and/or friends? Or is this an illustration supporting how seperate and indivdualistic our nation has become?

I compare this story with another one I ran into recently. A mom I know was having great difficulty with her teen son. Single mom, not much family support near her, son's dad not a good influence or not around (can't remember which) - but someone stepped in. Her son was part of small groups at their church several years ago (like four) and his first jr. high coach was still involved in his life - even though he no longer lives in this state! He writes, calls, etc. He saw what was happening in this family and knew this boy needed a male role model to get back on the right track. He and his family stepped in and offered to take in this boy for a while. Mom's heart is breaking, of course, because as a mom you just want to fix it - to make it better. And this was beyond her fixing right now. But what an awesome example of the Church. Loving one another so much, supporting one another, sharing lives with each other. The Acts Church in motion and live in 2008 America. It's not a common occurence here; especially in Arizona. We drive into our garages, put down the doors, sit in our back yards with block walls 6 feet high, rarely interact with our neighbors let alone get that immeshed in someone else's life. So sad.

But it brings a powerful illustration into my mind and heart as I develop relationships with my own jr. high group. Last week was a killer for life drama in our group. My heart is still heavy with all that is going on in these young girls lives. One in particular as I pray and seek how God wants to use me in this situation. But I pray that He does use me - that He uses me, part of the Church, to make an eternal impact in others lives.

Beautiful mama-to-be!

Had two photo "shoots" this weekend, which elated me! And even better - they were both pregnant! It was my "first" maternity shots - which were a blast! I am thrilled with the final product, particularly on the first one. I won't post faces yet because I want to get their permission - but I love these:

Community

The Community of Law Enforcement

Today our church had the privelege of hosting the funeral service for office Bruce W. Harrolle. Tragically, this young man was killed during a rescue operation while trying to save a couple of stranded hikers. Harrolle was DPS officer in Arizona, as well as a pilot and paramedic.

The campus was already buzzing with activity as I arrived around 6:45 a.m. this morning. Numerous police officers from a variety of branches were here securing the area and preparing to celebrate this man's life. Governor Napolitano is speaking this morning, so heightened security measures have been taken as they prepare for the thousands that will attend. To look out and around the campus this morning, there are literally hundreds of public safety vehicles here; everything from horses to helicopters. Lines of squad cars, police motorcycles, and fire engines are indicators of the community that is experienced among these groups. When one falls, they gather and mourn together. When one is attacked, the brotherhood is attacked. It makes me wonder if the community experienced by our law enforcement, our firefighters, or our military is closer to the community Christ speaks of in Acts than what the American body of believers is today.

What if the Church experienced and exhibited a similar sense of community; a similar sense of purpose and unity? Would it completely alter the view the world has about Christians if they saw us uniting and mourning the loss of a persecuted brother or sister? Would those outside the fold crave that unity, those relationships, that bond that comes only from walking with those inside? What if the Acts model for the Church had continued on through our day-in our culture?

Acts 2:42-47 says:
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

What would this look like in 2008 United States? Been mulling this over in my own mind. Does my view of the Church mirror the framework laid out in Acts? Does my reality of being part of the Church accurately reflect Christ's plan for it? Some interesting things rolling around in my brain over this.

Reading blogs tonight (ok, I'm a blog stalker but not so great at being a blog commenter), but I loved this one from Jared. Our end of the hall at work is forever talking about music, movies and tv, so thought this would be fun to add. Looking forward to seeing what yours are!

Favorite Bands:
1] Skillet
2] Evanescence
3] Third Day
4] Metallica- still love that beat.
5] Sanctus Real

Favorite Songs from those bands:
1] Open Wounds or Rebirthing by Skillet
2] Hello by Evanscence
3] Revelation by Third Day
4] Nothing Else Matters or One by Metallica
5] I'm Not Alright by Sanctus Real

Favorite Movies:
I love movies, so this was hard to narrow down - depends on what I'm in the mood for. So here's a few of my all-time faves
1] Forces of Nature
2] The Italian Job
3] Rob Roy
4] Mr and Mrs Smith
5] The Holiday

Favorite Trilogies:
1] Star Wars [the original 3 - episodes IV,V,VI]
2] Lord of the Rings
3] The Matrix
4] The Bourne Identity
5] Batman (2005 trilogy)

Favorite recent/current TV shows:
1] LOST
2] 24
3] Heroes
4] The Unit
5] NCIS

Favorite classic TV shows:
1] Saturday Night Live
2] Highlander
3] The Cosby Show
4] St. Elsewhere
5] Mash

Favorite Resturants:
1] Haven't found a Thai place I didn't like but my favorite is Thai Food Corner
2] Tasty Joe's
3] Salsa Cabana
4] Blue Nile Cafe
5] Kabuki's

Favorite Fast Food:
1] Salsa Cabana
2] Paradise Bakery
3] Jason's Deli
4] Wildflower Bread Co
5] Taco Bell

Favorite Places I've been in the World:
1] Chile
2] Canada *this is the only other country I've officially visited
3] Peru (if we're counting layovers :)
4] Brazil (again - layover only and couldn't leave the airport)
5]
Disclaimer - Greece will trump them all when I get there!

Favorite NON-Fiction Books [other than Bible]:
1] Eyes of the Tailless Animals by Soon Ok Lee
2] Stories of Emergence
3] Heaven by Randy Alcorn
4] Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster
5] Facedown by Matt Redman

Favorite Fiction Books:
1] The Shack by William P. Young
2] Unashamed: Rahab by Francine Rivers (all the novellas in this series)
3] Eragon by Christopher Paolini
4] Thr3e by Ted Dekker
5] The Giver by Lois Lowry

Incredible afternoon

Grabbed the kids and headed out for a photo session. Taking Ty's senior pictures today and in two weeks doing some of him and the girlfriend. Should be fun! Also took the official "junior year" photos for jake today. Not sure what happened with photos at school, but I never saw a form for ordering. Hmmm.. Syd's for her sophomore year and just for fun. This weekend was kid-casual. The next session will be more formal. Can't wait for that one!

My artistic and detail-oriented nephew had our location all scoped out, so we piled in the Fit and headed to downtown Mesa, at the MAC center. Awesome photo opps there! Some of the unedited fun we had today:

goals revisited

This year has been screaming by. is it just me? I feel like somehow I've missed out on 2008 - nothing really to show for it other than daily life. I'd say normal, but this year has been anything but normal for me. Been dealing with quite a bit this year actually-and still processing through most of it. This year has held so many struggles-outright battles with myself, and with God.

So, sitting on my back patio in a comfy new chair reading my bible this morning and the goals I set for the remainder of this year came to mind. So today is a good time to take a look. A couple of months ago I set some goals for this year - nothing life-altering, but something to move towards. Some things God laid on my heart, and others I just have a desire to do-to live more, to experience more.

So let's take a peek and see what's been happening.

Excerpts from my 2008 list
* Make sure I do something I enjoy at least once a week Been trying to work on this one, although 100% success has not been achieved. Part of this is due to those struggles mentioned before, but still working towards it!
* Build up my savings account Actually was doing really well on this until last month. Had to pay off something unexpected, but I was so thankful the cash was there. Back t saving...
* Find a mentor/Be a mentor Don't know if mentor is the right word, but I've been blessed with an accountability partner and we're journeying through life's ups and downs together. That has been amazing. I've got a group of jr. high girls that qualify me as a mentor now :) And I love it! They are all so unique, fun and challenging.
* Excel at project management (since this was my new job, I thought it'd be a good goal to work towards!) Continuing to become stronger in my job and learning new things all the time. So this goal is definitely an ongoing work in progress. But with all I've learned, I definitely feel like this is one of those "checks" - making progress!
* Organize my pesonal papers Half way there. Sorted through and purged, now need to finish the organizing process.
* Take a spiritual inventory of my life Also in process. This has been harder than I thought and not quite sure what this looks like. But being open to God and what He wants to show me about my weaknesses and strengths.
* Participate in a paint gun "war" Planning this now that the weather has cooled off!
* Photograph the harvest moon Missed September's harvest moon, but planning on catching one of the other full moons either next week or November.
* See the Olympic Torch being carried (Done! We saw the runners while vacationing in Oregon. It was so cool!) Check!
* Buy a painting (or other art) from a starving artist With finances being what they are, honestly hasn't even been on my radar to buy much of anything. But still open to the idea!
* Drink a bottle of wine that's as old as I am (on my birthday) Yeah - until I priced a bottle of wine that is 38 years old. Just didn't seem like a good use of money. Maybe someday...
* Be suprised by my child Pretty much a regularly happening in our household. I never ceased to be amazed at this kid. The other day, Skippy told me that Cubby continues to hold the record for "most transformed" from 7th-11th grade. So apparently he doesn't just blow my mind! LOL
* Rappel down a mountain Not even sure how to go about finding out how to do this - but totally want to!

Some still need some work, but I've got a few more weeks. Hard to believe 2008 is nearing a wrap-up. Must start thinking about my 2009 list. So many things already come to mind!

Reflections

A beautiful breeze and cooler temps called me outside this morning. I remember, growing up in Michigan, how welcome the warmer spring weather was such a welcome greeting after a harsh winter. Arizona is exactly the opposite. After five months of sweltering heat, the chill of a 70 degree morning greets you like the newness of spring. Life emerges this time of year in Arizona.

I grabbed the cushions to one of my new patio chairs and was elated as I could finally enjoy it. Read a couple of proverbs that stood out in to me, but one in particular.

Proverbs 27:19
"As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man..

What's my water reflecting? What is my life saying to others? What example am I showing my family, my child, my friends, my jh students, my coworkers, my neighbors, my community? Am I making a difference with my life?

This year has been ground-shattering, foundation-testing, and filled with soul-searching. Been filled with struggle, anger, frustration, betrayal, broken trust, loneliness, and spiritual nights. It's been filled with the question why?.

God has allowed me to struggle in my questions. Sometimes I feel I'm in this all alone, but my soul knows that is a lie. God is here with me. My Savior is ready to comfort me, to guide me, to love me through it all—I have to be willing to accept it; to acknowledge it; to look for it. It's that searching that makes my walk with Him stronger. Sometimes (oftentimes) I/we take gifts for granted. Gifts like grace. I know I've been guilty, even though I don't want to be. What am I sacrificing to follow Him? Am I being obedient when He asks? Do I hear His whisper above the noise of the world? Do I take time and sit with Him?

Answering my own questions honestly shows me how far I have to go. I know I'm not alone in my struggle to reflect Christ's life in me. Not alone in this pursuit to be more, to live more, to love more so that the world sees Him. Not alone in desiring something above mediocrity or routine. Not alone in getting weary-which is why we, the Body, need each other for encouragement and accountability.

*Image courtesy of http://www.freewebs.com/dessel5/paintings.htm

You Sexy Thing

how can the week not start out right when this is what starts your day?!
*giggle*

Attack of the grasshoppers

Driving in to work, early this morning, I am alerted by the "need gas" light. I've always been one to drive my car to near empty, but these days, with the soaring gas prices, it's typically down to fumes before I actually fill up. I pulled in to the closest (and cheapest) gas station and made my way to the pump. As I begin fueling, something pelted me! I jerk-reacted and realized it was a stunned grasshopper that had just ricocheted off my body. (yuck!)

I am not a big fan of bugs, so to avoid being pelted again, I quickly squashed him. He didn't make much of a get-away attempt. I assumed he was stunned, like me, to encounter such rude interruption to the morning routine, or, like me, he was too groggy at this early hour to really care.

As the dollar signs on the gas pump rolled, a little movement on top of the pump caught my eye. I was jolted into alertness as my eyes fell on about 50 grasshoppers huddling on their metal perch. If I'm honest, I'll admit that fleeing the scene crossed my mind (probably more than once over those next few minutes). This hoarde of grasshoppers seemed to be perking to life as little legs and little heads starting bobbing awake (either that or the scent of their dead cousin had finally overtaken the gas fumes and alerted them of my presence). The lead hopper, we'll call him Bob, came to attention and slowly made a half circle as he turned to literally stare me down. I do believe he had witnessed the atrocious squishing crime. Bob simply sat and stared, pondering his next move. "Come on pump - click off!" I was thinking to myself (apparently it was too early to form lucid thoughts and actually just complete my transaction by removing the pump from my car!)

Bob continued to stare and I began to panic. What if he was telepathically signaling this flurry of hoppers to swarm at me all at once? (I had just read somewhere that these little buggers actually do bite humans, which did nothing for my distaste of bugs, particularly flying bugs). As more hoppers continued to rotate and stare, my thoughts turned to the Egyptians of Old Testament days, enduring the plagues.
Exodus 10:15 says that so many locusts came with this plague that "they covered all the ground until it was black." I don't think I would've functioned well in Egypt during this time. I can't handle a lone kamikaze hopper, let alone hundreds of thousands of them.

So what happened with Bob and his army? Did a dramatic attack ensue? Or was Bob all stare and no bite? Thankfully, he was the latter. Although I was pretty thankful my Fit has a very little gas tank because if I had to stick around to fill up more tha 8 gallons, who knows what Bob was organizing!

Until next time...

Fear

During quiet time this morning I was going back over my notes from the Girlfriends Going Deeper conference I recently attended.

Fear... We all have it about something. Some have it more than others and a few have it to where it paralyzes their lives. Have you ever met someone so afraid that they have ceased to live? I have and it's heart-breaking. I can only imagine how God weeps when one of His has a life driven by fear instead of Him. Don't get me wrong, I know we all get overtaken with fear (or other sin/weakness) at times. We all have those issues that take over God's place in the pilot seat, but hopefully it's a temporary loss of perspective rather than a long-lasting or permanent one.

So I got thinking today. Am I being driven by fear? Is it a healthy fear, one that drives me towards God? Or is it a fear that leads me further from Him, keeping my focus on it (fear) instead of God? At the conference, Lysa TerKuerst said "When we get so afraid and focus on the object of our fear, that object becomes bigger and bigger. It's only when we take our focus off that fear and put it onto God that He can put things back into perspective."

2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Have you ever really thought about that verse? Have you ever looked at the definition of timidity? As I prepared for the jr. high small group lesson last week, we were talking about this exact verse and I did some digging. I've always thought of timidity as shyness or meekness and haven't necessarily equated it with fear. Dictionary.com lists these definitions: (1) lacking in self-assurance, courage, or bravery; easily alarmed; timorous; shy. (2) characterized by or indicating fear.

How many times have we missed out on living because we were "lacking in self-assurance, courage or bravery?" I know I have missed plenty of opportunities over my lifetime. Many years ago I decided to quit living in the fear of failing. I don't like to fail (actually I used to hate it). As I surrendered that fear, my attitude/perspective adjusted and God's perspective took over and I began to see all the opportunities for growth that can come out of failure. Opportunities to learn and grow that wouldn't otherwise be present in my life. Opportunities to learn to lean on Christ's power and His love and to become closer to Him. It's still not alwayys that easy—that darn pride gets in the way at times. As I look back over 38 years though, I see how Christ has fulfilled His promises in my life (Jeremiah 29:11). The promise that if I let Him, He can take any situation, any decision, any wrong and tweak it to be something that can reflect back beautifully on Him.

I am frequently awed by how that's possible. How can Christ take a desperately broken girl—one filled with anger, hate, worldly influence and sin, fear, rebellion, selfishness, pride, lies and more—how does she become the woman that is seen today? Nothing but the blood and power of Christ.

So when that temptation to slip into old habits or feelings come, I am reminded of this verse in Timothy. This promise that when I gave my life to Christ, when I gave Him my all and told Him, You are in control and everything I am is for You, He has promised to give me His power and His love. How can I live in fear? How can I deny what He's already done in my life?

Isaiah 54:10
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

If I/we grasp that incredible love from God that Isaiah mentions, why would I/we ever be afraid?

The Wish List

One of my all-time favorite books was one I stumbled across, The Wish List by Barabara Ann Kipfer. It's a book of random things that get you thinking and dreaming of what you'd like to do in your lifetime. Some things are possible, others not - but either way, this was a book that excited me and got me thinking about the what if's and the could it be possibles.

So I've decided to take the ideas, wishes and dreams I've gotten from this book, and merged them with my own ideas, wishes and dreams and decided that I can't just think about them anymore. I want to take action - to take steps towards things I've longed to do.

Excerpts from my 2008 list
* Make sure I do something I enjoy at least once a week
* Build up my savings account
* Find a mentor/Be a mentor
* Excel at project management (since this was my new job, I thought it'd be a good goal to work towards!)
* Organize my pesonal papers
* Take a spiritual inventory of my life
* Participate in a paint gun "war"
* Photograph the harvest moon
* See the Olympic Torch being carried (Done! We saw the runners while vacationing in Oregon. It was so cool!)
* Buy a painting (or other art) from a starving artist
* Drink a bottle of wine that's as old as I am (on my birthday)
* Be suprised by my child
* Rappel down a mountain

My list goes on and I have a new list started for 2009. It's fun to dream and stretch my imagination. But what I really like to do is think about what my life is about, what I am doing with the time God has given me, and what kind of fingerprint I am leaving. What about you—Do you think about what you're doing with your life, with your time? Who or what are you impacting?

My heart and my mind continues to be challenged, and for that I am so thankful!

EJ's Steakhouse

Just tried EJ's Steakhouse, a relatively new place on McKellips & Recker roads. Heavenly!

Our menu tonight:
fresh warm bread
Heirloom Tomato & Red Onion Salad
Top Sirloin w/ Sauteed Wild Mushrooms and Onions
Chicken Milanese w/ Loaded Baked potato

Truly a spectacular meal. The service was outstanding. We walked in and immediately wondered if we were underdressed (is there really such a thing in Arizona??), but were assured we weren't. No reservations were needed tonight, but I can see how a Friday or Saturday night would warrant them. It's a smallish restaurant, with an incredible atmosphere of elegance.

On a scale of 1-5, I give this place five stars for the food quality, dining experience, and service. The prices are a little higher than I'm used to (dinner for two could easily run you $60), but thanks to a discount gift certificate from restaurant.com, our first $25 of the bill only cost us $4!

Another surgery...

I feel like I have lived at doctor's offices these past few weeks. We had to take J to see a foot doctor because on vacation we noticed his left foot was rolling to the outside. He had mentioned it hurt over the past several weeks, but nothing consistent and nothing that kept him from normal activity. We saw a great doctor, Jaime Coffey, who noted that Jacob has two different sized feet (like by 2 sizes!). That wasn't the problem - but intriguing. He has a high arch on his right foot and a super high arch on his left. Still not the problem. Dr. Coffey thought we needed to see some specialists the focus on a specific type of surgery that he thought Jacob might need (something to fix that arch on the left foot). So in to Dr. Cicchinelli we went. Then to the MRI to see what was going on. Back for the consult to see what the MRI showed. It showed that J has some tears on the ligaments in his left heel - that will need to be surgically repaired. Sigh...ok. Then came the rough news - after the surgery there's a cast for six weeks, then a boot for another couple of months, combined with intense physical therapy. We're looking at about a 3-4 month recovery process. That hit like a ton of bricks. Especially since J is in JROTC this year - and LOVES it. He came home today so excited because his armed/unarmed drill team got to practice with the rifles today. So the big question on our minds was: Will he still be able to participate in ROTC and the competitions? Can we delay the surgery or will that cause more damage? Thankfully, he can proceed with life as normal AND we can put the surgery off until the end of the school year. Thank you Lord. J was so relieved to hear that (and so was his mom!) We were assured that the injury wouldn't get any worse, but that his discomfort would remain and there was potential for some sprained ankles if he wasn't careful. Careful it is!

J was not too excited to hear about another surgery. The only surgery he remembers having is his 7-layer back fusion. A surgery that medically went fantastic (Dr. Greg White in Phoenix is incredible) - but the recovery process was long and hard. J also reacted to the anesthesia drugs that they kept him on after the surgery for recovery, and he remembers that well. Couple that with leaving a wonderful ICU staff after three days and being sent to general population overflow - eek. We couldn't wait to get out of that hospital. The ICU staff at PCH was fantastic; the nurses in overflow left a little something to be desired. Anyway - J was not jumping on the surgery bandwagon any too quick. At least now he has some time to digest and prepare.

We are off to the allergist today. J's allergies are so bad, so it's off to get tested and see what is affecting him the most and what can we do to help them. Massive nosebleeds sent him home from school on several occasions last year - so we're trying to avoid a repeat of that. Phew...one more visit (this will be my fifth doctor's office visit this week) and then it's time for a long weekend. Cannot wait!

Crazy myspace surveys

Apparently I've gotten sucked in to facebook world, because I haven't logged in to myspace in months! But I did tonight because I still have a couple friends that haven't crossed over yet *lol* and I wanted to see some upated pics!

There was a bulletin posted entitled "how much do you remember about 9th grade?" How much do I remember about 23 years ago? I actually suprised myself! But the best part was thinking about my best friends that year and all the crazy fun we had. Michelle, Pam, Nicole and I - the fab four. I actually thought of Michelle earlier today as The Romantics blared over the radio. Good times! What great friends we were-at least for a time. East Middle School in Plymouth, MI was the location of our havoc. As I sat getting flooded with memories, it made me sad to think that none of those friendships lasted longer. High school brought new friends, new drama, and then a move across the country for me.

I would love to meet up with the old crew: Michelle, Pam, Nicole, Rog, Garrett, Fidel, Jerry, Eddie, and Glen. What the heck are they all up to? Where have their lives taken them? Hmmmm...

Whew - one more milestone under our belt.

Well today was the big day. Jacob had his first solo drive as a licensed driver! August 8 was the final driving exam with IDS (excellent driving school and I highly recommend!) He passed with flying colors and of course was angsting to head to DMV and get his actual license. I was working the Leadership Summit at Central, which meant waiting - oh the horror *lol*

We made it through the weekend and Monday I escaped from work a little early, since it was the first day of school and THE big day. We headed to DMV and within about 25 minutes, Jacob was officially road legal. I was trying not to have a cow about his photo - not sure if he thought he was being funny or if the photographer just gave really bad direction, but his photo came out with him hunching forward and cross-eyed. Can we get a do-over please?!?! No time today - had to head out for a chiropractor appointment, then a scheduled photo shoot for friends.

Time to pick up the Bronco from the garage (aka Grandma's house where it was undergoing some last-minute, minor repairs). Finally - it was ready! My anxiety was high, yet I was so excited for this new phase (especially no more early morning taxi duty!). As we drove home, prayers for safe travels over the next several months and years were filling my mind. As I glanced to the west, there, was the most beautiful sunset I've seen in a really long time. Affirmation from above? I like to think so.

On to this new phase - changing roles (once again), new twists, turns and bumps - and lots of excitment, of course. What a journey it is and has been. Anticipating what is still yet to come...

Storms of life

Browsing through some pictures I found this photo I took while on vacation in Colorado in 2006. We were out exploring the city, when huge black clouds loomed overhead, appearing from out of nowhere. Memories of this storm flashed through my head and with it, parallels of the current storm I'm weathering.

Like storms in nature, personal storms can erupt from virtually out of nowhere. It can be clear and sunny one minute, and black and tumultuous the next. Sometimes storms build up, sometimes they just erupt. I keep telling myself that like storms in nature, personal storms also dissipate - either suddenly stopping as quickly as they started, or slowing to a drizzle and then fading from memory.

Storms can also bring about change. Rain can turn dry, parched land into a vibrant, colorful, and life-giving paradise. But storms can also uproot and destroy. They can change the landscape they touch, completely altering what used to be.

My current storm continues to rage. The darkness of this storm isn't allowing the light to break through. My gut, my core being, knows that the light will return, but like nature that's been ravaged by a hurricane, I'm just not sure what the landscape is going to look like when it's over.

So how do I endure such a hard time? Where do i find strength to continue on through the darkness? Where do I find my shelter from the raging winds? In only one place.


I've weathered many, many storms in my life - natural and personal. Some storms led to that clean, new feeling that can only come after a good rain and others led more to the shambles pictured above. But in both cases, Christ held me through them, picked me up when the torrents brought me down, and dried me off so I could continue on with this journey called life.

When weathering storms, I try to remember that even the disciples didn't handle all their storms without fear or failure (and helps me as I look back on my own drenched moments). And as i stop and evaluate, I look at the question posed by Christ...

One day Jesus said to his disciples, "Let's go over to the other side of the lake." So they got into a boat and set out. As they sailed, He fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!" He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm.

"Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples.

In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."

Where is my faith? When the storms of life crowd out my hope and my joy; when dreariness and fatigue burden my daily journey; when the storm seems like it will have no end, I stop and ask myself "Where is your faith?" And that inner peace emerges because I know He is in control and that this storm shall too pass.

When will the medical madness stop?

In the past two days we have visited five doctor's offices and one medical facility for x-rays. As I sat at the final appointment today, getting x-rays of my wrist to ensure my clutsiness didn't result in my first broken bone, I reflected on the last 17 years of battling medical professionals.

Where has the patient care gone? When did doctors stop caring about the medical problems being presented and care more about quotas put forth by the governing insurance company? When did the observations or parents become threats to a doctor's knowledge or education? Why are we all just numbers and statistics in an industry where the only person that profits is the suit sitting in a governing office somewhere?

Seventeen years ago I gave birth to a miracle. The only one I was blessed with and am overwhelmed with thanks for. The pregnancy was not easy - the birth even more difficult. Three days of inducing - only to find out he was actually four weeks early. A huge baby for 36 weeks, but early nonetheless, which brought it's own set of complications. The first year included several bouts of congestion, bronchitis and asthma. Moments when precious life-giving air ceased to flow through his lungs and the only indicator to us was his silence and little blue lips. Then there were chronic ear infections leading to hearing loss, which thankfully corrected itself over time. Developmental delays also plagued our little guy - speech due to the hearing loss, fine motor skills, gross motor skills - the list goes on and on. I was a young mom and looked to the doctors, the professionals for guidance and wisdom. But I was met with were god-complexes and know-it-alls. It took some time to learn that I was his voice and doctors didn't know everything (even though very few of them will ever admit this). I learned that the doctors I wanted were the ones who were willing to listen, wiling to admit their own limitations. But there were so few of them, and most of them we encountered too late.

There was love, joy, happiness, giggles, belly laughter, craziness, adventures and fun too. So many memories that have filled my life with immeasurable joy. I wouldn't trade any of it—I have the best kid in the world.

Seventeen years later, most of the medical madness is a blur. It's times like the last couple of weeks where we're visiting doctor after doctor that I get reminded of the path that has led us where we are today. The pain of some of the struggles and the battles long forgotten. A grateful peace settled in my heart some time ago, thankful to a God who intervened in my life through this amazing baby, toddler, child, kid, teen, and now young man. And a mind filled with awe on how God grows us—through gut-wrenching moments and giggles alike.