not much to say

I haven't had much to write about lately - or rather, I just haven't felt like writing. It's been a tumultuous couple of months.

Last week was horrible. Central had to off about 15 people. It's hard in any environment when people are let go strictly because of finances, but in our work, this is family. It's brutal. My heart hurt for leadership that had to make the decisions. I watched it literally wreck the hearts of leaders on our team. It was an emotionally exhausting day... I know God has a plan and I've seen it working out time and time again in these families. Their faithfulness and obedience are incredible to watch and be a part of. But it's also frustrating to realize the lack of obedience of God's people is really where all this rests. Times are hard, but the bulk of our body is not living in poverty and the reality is if our entire congregation tithed at poverty level, our budget would go up.

As if that wasn't enough emotional factor in the week, my divorce was final on Thursday. Actually, we just had our hearing on Thursday and the docs will actually get signed by the judge today and mailed back to us. It was just bizarre; anti-climatic for sure. Go in - sign some papers - leave with "have a good day." 13 years of marrriage ended with "have a good day." Hmmmm....

New stage of life - here I come...

"What is your deepest fear?" Coach Carter

I love this quote from the movie, Coach Carter.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our dark that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine as children do. Its not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsiously give other people to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Sir I just wanna say thank you . . . You saved my life.
- said by Timo Cruz in Coach Carter

Alive

You're alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act.
Barbara Hall, A Summons to New Orleans, 2000


Stumbled across this quote tonight and it just stuck. How often do we get caught up in details, busyness, stress, etc.? I know I do. But how simple our directive really is: Look, Listen, Choose, Act. We hear it in church as "love God, love people", and in essence it's no different.

To love people you have to look. You have to see them, see their pain, see their hurt, see their need and in order to see it - you have to be looking. You also have to be listening. Listening to God, what people are telling you, and to what they're not telling you. It's not that difficult because most people just want to be heard.

Once you've done that, you have to choose. You have to choose between action or inaction; between doing or not doing; between loving or not loving. I used to see a lot of grey areas, but the more I examine the directives from God, I see things as do or don't, less middle ground.

If I am not actively loving someone - am I hating them? We take definitions to the extreme and want to say No. But what is it really to not like - to not love? Is it not hate?

If I see a need and don't act - is there a simplicity there? I don't think so. If I encounter someone who is hurting but don't look or listen, am I really living? What is life if we're not here for each other?

Inner Beauty

For I am fearfully and wonderfully made...

This was the topic verse of our girls small group tonight. What a great discussion we had! We talked about society's view of beauty, our own view of beauty, and God's view of beauty. We tossed around why we want our outer appearance to represent what's inside and to bring our best to God. We are his vessels - how does that impact our appearance?

It was so awesome to share their thoughts and to see them actually thinking about allowing their inner beauty to shine on the outside. Not pursuing beauty because society tells us it looks this way or our culture tells us it should be that way - but seeing ourselves as God sees us and honoring him in our appearance.

Good stuff. I LOVE these girls.

Orchestrations of God

Have you ever been so befuddled by events of life that you can only take baby steps in faith, knowing that God is in control and that hopefully somehow, in some way, He will make the confusion clear and show how He is working?

I've had several instances of this in my life. Sometimes the confusion clears and God's handiwork becomes obvious, but sometimes this hasn't necessarily been true. I may have been assured that God was at work, but He didn't necessarily provide the answers I was looking for.

I love looking back and seeing God's handiwork. More than that, I love getting through a trial or temptation, trusting God and feeling like He stops for a moment, gazes at me in Fatherly love and simply says, Well done.

Six 13yo reminders of self

I have six 12-13 year old girls. God led me to step into a leadership role with a junior high small group last fall and I'm so glad I did. These girls are amazing.

This morning, early, God woke me with thoughts of them. And I began to see how He is ministering to me through them. I understand how He wants me to lead them, to speak into their lives in love and discipleship. Each one of these girls reminds me of my own 13yo self in some way, and some in so many ways. As I watch them, grow with them, and lead them I know He has plans to use my life and choices I made based on some of those reminder qualities.

My girls:
KD-independent, unique and marching to her own drummer. Could've been born in the 60s with her hippie tendencies. Gets lost in books. I wasn't quite that obsessive about books, but loved leaving my everyday existence to go somewhere else.

NR-the baby of our group. Immature in some areas, but wise beyond her years in others. Afer not adjusting to jr.high life very well, she made the decision to go back to 6th grade last fall. She basically held herself back because she knew she wasn't ready.

AB-athletic, fun-loving, strong and so family oriented. A natural beauty and comfortable in who she is.

AP-funny, caring, sensitive, and encouraging to others. Beautiful and sometimes suprisingly confident. Other times struggling to find where she fits or is reserved in sharing herself. But when she shares - she just glows.

SJ-Our quiet one, until she gets in the right surroundings. Reserved, but a follower and will break out of her shell when led by our stronger ones. The quietness is a hold as she waits for approval or acceptance, and then she blossoms.

LC-firecracker.The opposite of all the other girls! Loud, demanding at times, dramatic, insecure. Keeps her real self and feelings hidden. Puts on a tough exterior, but inside is absolutely craving acceptance for the simple things about herself.

I love these girls. Literally my heart swells when I think about them. Thoughts of leading them well are always on my mind. Thoughts of teaching them how not to learn lessons the hard way - how to keep the qualities of themselves that shine for God and not allow them to get trampled out by the world and its expectations or desires.

God..
This age is such a transition time - changes, opportunities, growth. Keep my heart in tune with yours, my words in align with yours, and my ear to your leading and promptings always at the forefront.

The Five Pillars of Success

The five pillars of success

1. See (really see) what's possible
2. Know specifically what you want to achieve
3. Make good decisions
4. Understand the tactics to get things done and to change minds
5. Earn the trust and respect of the people around you

A good friend posted this on his facebook. I really enjoyed the perspective and thought he put into writing it. Just some food for thought.